Friday, January 27, 2006

Several 7 Things I'd Like You To Know

This is just for fun. I stole the idea from somewhere and made it my own.....

7 Things I'd Like To Do Before I Die
1. Visit Hawaii again (I love Maui!)
2. Lose weight for the last time (oink)
3. Tell everyone I love how much I love them
4. Do another ride-along with Steve!
5. Run completely out of ice cream, wine, and toilet paper
6. Find a man to say he loves me just one more time
7. Find a man to love just one more time

7 Things I've Done In My Lifetime
1. Loved a man I was married to for 33 years
2. Raised 3 children relatively well
3. Used my sense of humor whenever possible
4. Quit smoking
5. Paid my bills and never cheated anyone out of a dime
6. Tried to keep busy to stay out of trouble
7. Learned as much as I could whenever I could

7 Things I Wish I'd Never Done
1. Made too many unwise choices
2. Started smoking at such an early age
3. Lost my temper so easily and often
4. Been too critical of others
5. Worried about the past, the present and the future
6. Been so impatient esp. with my children when they were young
7. Thought I knew more than I did

7 (Plus) Living People I Admire
1. All the law enforcement people I've ever known who "work"
2. All the ADAs in the District Attorney's Office
3. My best friend, Paula
4. My daughters, Elaine, Jo and Laura
5. All the working mothers
6. Bill Gates, George Bush, David Letterman

7 (Plus) Deceased People I Admired
1. My husband, John
2. My grandfather, Josh
3. Roy Rogers
4. Annie Oakley
5. Dick Turner, artist
6. Samuel Colt, Horace Smith & D. B. Wesson
7. Katherine and Audrey Hepburn

7 Best Movies I've Ever Seen
1. The Ghost And Mrs. Muir
2. Gone With The Wind
3. The Wizard Of Oz
4. Same Time Next Year
5. Star Wars & The Day The Earth Stood Still (tied)
6. All About Eve & Roman Holiday (tied)
7. To Kill A Mockingbird

7 Worst Movies I’ve Ever Seen
1. The 2nd part of Apocalypse Now
2. Station Six Sahara
3. Very Bad Things
4. Pulp Fiction
5. 2001: A Space Odyssey
6. Ed Wood
7. Snatch

Looks Too Good To Be True Is Cool

I found a website called Looks Too Good To Be True and this is what they have to say about themselves:

While the Internet can be a safe and convenient place to do business, scammers are out there in “cyber world” targeting unsuspecting consumers. The Looks Too Good To Be website was built to educate you, the consumer, and help prevent you from becoming a victim of an Internet fraud scheme.

The website was developed and is maintained by a joint federal law enforcement and industry task force. Funding for the site has been provided by the United States Postal Inspection Service and the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Key partners include the National White Collar Crime Center,, Target and members of the Merchants Risk Council.

They offer a link to the United States Postal Service with *FREE* DVDs on the following subjects:

Nowhere to Run: Cross-Border Fraud
The Internet and international phone calls make it easy for fraudsters to work from anywhere in the world. This film illustrates how U.S. Postal Inspectors created task forces with Canadian law enforcement partners to stop “long distance” scams. This DVD is currently available only by calling toll-free 1-800-STAMP-24 (1-800-782-6724), but will soon be offered online.

Web of Deceit: Internet Fraud
Internet scams are like old wine in new bottles. Telemarketing and mail fraud scams are now coming to you from cyberspace. This DVD tells the story of a scammer who uses the Internet to victimize unsuspecting consumers around the world until he gets caught in his own web of deceit. The DVD also provides tips on what to watch out for when you do business on the Internet.

Long Shot: Foreign Lottery Scams
It’s illegal to play foreign lotteries in the United States. But another reason not to play is that you are almost guaranteed to lose. And once you play, you can count on receiving more “chances” to play and lose. This free DVD tells the story of a foreign lottery fraud victim and the con artist behind the scam. Produced by High Noon Film and presented by the U.S. Postal Inspection Service, it also provides tips on helping you avoid becoming a victim of this scam.

Work-at-Home Scams: They Just Don't Pay
Working at home has become attractive to many stay-at-home moms, college students, and retirees. While some jobs are legitimate, others just don't deliver on their promises. This free, short film tells the story of a new type of work-at-home scam and how a young mother gets caught up in it. It also provides tips on how you can avoid being duped by criminals and what to do if you've been victimized. This High Noon Film is presented by the U.S. Postal Inspection Service.

Identity Crisis: Protect Your Identity
Identity fraud is the fastest-growing crime in America. With millions of victims and losses in the billions of dollars, it continues to be one of consumers' biggest fears. This free DVD tells the story of a couple whose credit is ruined and of the criminals who defrauded them. The DVD by High Noon Film, presented by the U.S. Postal Inspection Service, also provides tips on how to protect yourself against identity fraud -- and what to do if you become a victim.

Delivering Justice: Dialing for Dollars
Telemarketing fraud costs Americans millions of dollars each year. And when it comes to phony investment "opportunities," older Americans are prime targets. This free, 15-minute DVD tells the story of such a scam and the lives that are ruined by criminals. The film provides tips on how to protect yourself from investment fraud and tells you what to do if you've been victimized. "Dialing for Dollars" is a High Noon film presented by the U.S. Postal Inspection Service.

This is the perfect starting point for anyone that refuses to become a victim! And when they say *FREE* DVDs they mean postage free too! What a deal!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

What To Do When A Cop Stops You

Simple stuff. Almost common sense and stuff you'd think that parents taught their kids, but just in case you've forgotten or your old man never knew, here's some great tips on what to do and not do during a traffic stop. These were written by "Jack" at Texas Music Blog.

Want to avoid getting shot during a traffic stop by an on-edge officer? Or just lower your odds of getting a ticket? Then do what I do;

1. I pull over. As soon as I see I'm getting stopped, I hit my turn signal and pull over as far to the right as is safe to do so. I put it in park. He's looking for those reverse lights. I turn off the engine, and roll down the window. At night, I turn on the inside light. I lay my hands on the steering wheel. I turn my damn radio off. Not down, but off. Then I sit there and wait, because I know it might take a minute for him to run my plate and get ready to walk up to a car he knows nothing about. Oh, and I hang up my freakin' cell phone. What am I, a moron? Do I really believe that there is any conversation more urgent than the one I need to have with the man who is standing at my window with a weapon on his hip and a rapidly souring attitude?

2. I am friendly and polite. The officer will introduce himself, usually, and tell me why he stopped me. He'll ask me how I am this morning, afternoon, evening, night. I usually say, "Not as good as I was a second ago", with a smile. It right off the bat does two things; it lets him know I'm not gonna start a pissing match over getting pulled over; and if delivered with a sheepish look, will bring a smile to his face, nine out of ten times. It lightens the mood, which in this situation is a good thing. A sense of humor never hurts. I call him Sir, or Trooper, or Officer. I show him some respect. It doesn't hurt and just might help. This is not the same as kissing his ass, and he knows it. I don't act angry or upset. He takes crap from people all day, every day, and me giving him more crap will not make him more inclined to cut me a break.

3. I do not argue. Chances are, I was speeding. That's what I get pulled over for the most. I will not win an argument with this man, and I will only greatly increase my chances of getting a ticket. I don't give excuses, and I do not lie. He's heard all the excuses, and he will know if I lie. And it will piss him off. My usual response to being told I was doing seventy six in a sixty? "I apologize, Sir. I just wasn't paying attention to my speed." It's humble, I didn't actually admit guilt, and it shows I'm just a regular guy who made a mistake, not a confrontational asshole who deserves an attitude ticket. If it's a not speed related and I don't think I did it, I might say, mildly, "Hmm. I really did think I stopped at the stop sign, Sir." One time, and leave it at that. I can always take it up with the judge.

4. This is an extension of Rule #3. I do whatever he says. Slowly. He wants my driver's license? "It's right here in my wallet, Sir." and I reach for it, slowly. Same thing with insurance. I tell him it's in the glove box before I reach for it. I'll tell him I'm gonna take off my seatbelt before I reach over there. I don't want him screwing a pistol in my ear because I made a too fast, unexpected move. I want him calm, relaxed, and comfortable. If he wants me to exit the car, I do it. I don't sit there and say "Why?". He's got his reasons, and he'll tell me. After I comply by exiting my vehicle. Anything he tells me to do, I do it, without questioning his reasons. I am cooperative. He appreciates that.

5. I sign the ticket. It's not, as he will tell me, an admission of guilt, and if I don't do it, he will arrest me. Not for not signing the ticket, but for speeding. Or whatever he stopped me for. Signing the ticket just says I will show up in court.

That's it. Five Simple Rules for What to Do When Getting Pulled Over. The author of this post makes no claim, implied or otherwise, that actually following these rules will lessen your chances of traffic citations or arrest, under any circumstances or conditions. This information is presented for entertainment purposes only. The author accepts no responsibility for the consequences of ignoring this post. The author urges you to obey all laws, regulations, and ordinances in your area at all times. The author further urges you to treat all law enforcement officials with courtesy and respect. After all, no one ever got a ticket for not being an asshole.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

So, I'm Right And You're Not?

I found this little jewel today on Slashdot and rather than just link back to it (which I will), I thought I'd just "borrow" it and cut out the middle step......

Democrats and Republicans Both Adept at Ignoring Facts, Study Finds By LiveScience Staff

Democrats and Republicans alike are adept at making decisions without letting the facts get in the way, a new study shows.

And they get quite a rush from ignoring information that's contrary to their point of view.

Researchers asked staunch party members from both sides to evaluate information that threatened their preferred candidate prior to the 2004 Presidential election. The subjects' brains were monitored while they pondered.

The results were announced today.

"We did not see any increased activation of the parts of the brain normally engaged during reasoning," said Drew Westen, director of clinical psychology at Emory University. "What we saw instead was a network of emotion circuits lighting up, including circuits hypothesized to be involved in regulating emotion, and circuits known to be involved in resolving conflicts."

Bias on both sides

The test subjects on both sides of the political aisle reached totally biased conclusions by ignoring information that could not rationally be discounted, Westen and his colleagues say.

Then, with their minds made up, brain activity ceased in the areas that deal with negative emotions such as disgust. But activity spiked in the circuits involved in reward, a response similar to what addicts experience when they get a fix, Westen explained.

The study points to a total lack of reason in political decision-making.

"None of the circuits involved in conscious reasoning were particularly engaged," Westen said. "Essentially, it appears as if partisans twirl the cognitive kaleidoscope until they get the conclusions they want, and then they get massively reinforced for it, with the elimination of negative emotional states and activation of positive ones."

Notably absent were any increases in activation of the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain most associated with reasoning.

The tests involved pairs of statements by the candidates, President George W. Bush and Senator John Kerry, that clearly contradicted each other. The test subjects were asked to consider and rate the discrepancy. Then they were presented with another statement that might explain away the contradiction. The scenario was repeated several times for each candidate.

The brain imaging revealed a consistent pattern. Both Republicans and Democrats consistently denied obvious contradictions for their own candidate but detected contradictions in the opposing candidate.

"The result is that partisan beliefs are calcified, and the person can learn very little from new data," Westen said.

Vote for Tom Hanks

Other relatively neutral candidates were introduced into the mix, such as the actor Tom Hanks. Importantly, both the Democrats and Republicans reacted to the contradictions of these characters in the same manner.

The findings could prove useful beyond the campaign trail.

"Everyone from executives and judges to scientists and politicians may reason to emotionally biased judgments when they have a vested interest in how to interpret 'the facts,'" Westen said.

It's all good to know even though I don't need a study to confirm this theory. Having to share the planet with my oldest bro seemingly forever has amply demonstrated this is an accurate occurrence in *his* brain. He's yet to grasp the simple fact that me, being an Aries, am always right and everyone should just acknowledge that and save us all a lot of grief.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Finally, A Pot To Piss In!

I guess for some gals this would be the next best thing to standing up to pee! Check out the new tech toy for fems at Popgadget.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Imagination Imitation For Relaxation

I see where data storage manufacturer Imation has acquired Memorex. Hmmmm. That leads me to wonder what they'll call the new company?

Imation Relaxation?

What's This About Rat Poop?

I just read about a mood-altering cat parasite called Toxoplasma bacteria that is found in cat poop. The article says that first the cats poop, then rats EAT the poop and that makes them so mellow they offer themselves as rat sacrifices on the cat altar of love. (Remind me not to kiss rats anymore....uckkky!) Anyway the bottom line is the claim that the bacteria can "change human behavior, making women more outgoing and warmhearted, and men more jealous and suspicious". Well, hells bells, that's the same thing that can happen when those same human genders drink beer and hard liquor! What's so scientific about that? Wait a minute.....does that mean there's rat poop in my longnecks?


Saturday, January 21, 2006

Amen To That, Brother!

This gentleman said it far better than I could........

Who should be caring for them?

Maybe I'm a hard ass, but it seems to me that if he is so crazy and not responsible for his actions, why didn't the family take better care of him? You see this over and over with mentally ill people who fight with the police and wind up dead for whatever reason. The family jumps in front of the TV saying the usual "he was sick, he needed help," or "the police murdered my baby!" The family should control him, if they can't, they call the police who do what they have to do to protect themselves and others and the ill person winds up dead. Now, the family is after blood. I believe I touched up on this in an earlier post, in a jail situation, an Emergency Response Team's job is to deal with problem inmates regardless of why they are problems. This guy fought tooth and nail. So he's bipolar, so what! Do they expect the officers to take a beating because this man is off his meds? Am I expected to let a crazy person kill me because he can't help it? Crazy or not, no officer is going to lay down his or her life because the family or the person themselves failed to take proper care.
posted by Jason @ 9:48 AM

Good post, Jason of cigarsdonutsandcoffee

And here's another one of his that I agree with:

Bitter pill to swallow....

The judge did the right thing in ordering a psychiatric evaluation for this maniac. The law only punishes criminals who knew or should have known their actions were wrong. Now having said that, I was irritated by the lawyer who said the police should have let him go, wait at his house and question him. Also, his client isn't responsible for what he did, it's society's fault. Society should have held his hand, made sure he took his medications and gave him hugs when he needed one. This is why people hate lawyers. Something Mr. Flood left out, if the police had let this guy keep terrorizing the roadways and go home, what do you think would have happened when he got home and saw the police waiting for him? Stop and get out of the car? Or run again, sparking yet another dangerous, 2-hour long pursuit through the streets?
The media and his attorney will make this a society ill, claiming bipolar and the devil made him do it. I know many people who are bipolar and not one of them have assaulted anyone, killed anyone, much less run from the police. So the bipolar pill I have a hard time swallowing.
Regardless of all that, sick or not, I do not want this man on the same streets as me. I really don't care what his affliction is, his actions tell me he can't be controlled, he can't behave, so put him away somewhere were he can't hurt me, or any of you.
posted by Jason @ 9:58 AM

Friday, January 20, 2006

Kick A** Film Showing America's Finest

Catch the film at entitled DIE TERRORISTS DIE! This is the lead-in to the film produced by Grouchy Media:

Die Terrorists Die!

Al-Jazeera shows videos for al-Qaeda, and so do I. Just not the kind they like to see…

In light of Iran’s latest BS, and bin Laden’s latest BS, I thought this was an appropriate time for my favorite kick-jihadi-ass military video! Welcome to any and all visiting dhimmis and jihadis. This one’s for you.

Yeah, baby - watch for the fully-armed Apache comin’ at ya, the Harrier, the paratroopers, and the Stealth bomb drops. The nukes ain’t so bad either.

By Grouchy Media. (NSFW - profanity) Turn it up loud and rock it!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

My Answer To Bin Laden's Truce Offer

And I would hope it is the answer of every man, woman and child in America, even the Dimacrats!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Open Mouth, Insert Chocolate Foot

As you probably already know, this is big news:

SMILEY: When Alphonso Jackson, President Bush's HUD Secretary, suggested some weeks back, some months back now, he said and I'm not quoting here, but I'm paraphrasing pretty close to the quote, you may recall this--he said people should just get use to the fact--this was a press conference he was speaking at, in his native Houston--said that people should get used to the fact, hey, let's face it, New Orleans is never gonna be as black as it was. Now, it's one thing to hear the mayor saying what he was saying, and I'm glad to hear you say that. It's another to hear a federal official close to the president say that. What am I to make of that statement then?

NAGIN: Well, you know, I have been kinda, almost flippant in my response to that. That seems to me like some Republican testosterone from the standpoint that, you know, he's basically a public official that controls the public housing stock in the city of New Orleans. And Tavis, even if everyone who was in public housing did not return, this still would be a chocolate city.

Question: How fast would Jesse Jackson, et. al. bust a gut if Mayor White, for instance, said he'd be glad when all the New Orleans folks went back home so Houston could become a White Bread City once more? Nagin, the boob, is taking heat right now perhaps, but it won't last....but Lord love a duck, just let a white person say CHOCOLATE about ANYTHING and WHAM! POW! BLAM! Can you say "hypocrites" in the same sentence as "Democrats"? I knew you could.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

God, I Hate Politics.....but......

...sometimes you just have to take your head out of your the sand and look around at the mess the world is in. OR maybe the world's not in such a mess afterall ...... maybe it's the liberal media that makes it seem so. Maybe you just need to look for other answers and different views of the problems and you see the truth, for a change.

Blogs are great to help wade through the guff. Newspapers and television news are too often being "found out" as reporting the truth as they wish it was rather than it is.......and THEN when the lies emerge to see the light of day, they don't even have the balls guts to admit their ignorance deception.

The best blogs I've found (so far) that offer a different better view are the following:
1. Michelle Malkin
2. The Officer's Club (Not like anything you've ever read!)
3. Stop the ACLU

Right now the Stop the ACLU has a must-read article entitled ACLU Sues NSA. Read it! You really must should!

Friday, January 13, 2006

Good Grief! I Look Like The Dalai Lama!

A pal-O-mine with a funny blog gave me the link to this other cool blog that uses fancy software to match your uploaded photo with celebrities that look like you.

I sent mine up and was all a quiver waiting for the results ..... while images of fine lookin' chicks appeared in my head. Who would I be most like? Would it be one of the super stars or one of the lesser stars? I'm sure I thought of every female movie personalitity from Theda Barra to Miss Piggy and lo! and behold! I came closer to Miss Piggy! At least SHE'S a SHE. My main match is the Dalia Lama! Geez. I'd ask for my money back except that it didn't cost anything to try.

Wow! Batteries Made From Piss!

Check out this blog article on batteries made from human urine! I've often thought that it's a shame urine can't be filtered and reused for the alcohol content after tying one on, but this is even better! Finally a way to put the homeless to work! If the smell in downtown Houston is any indication, we could corner the market in short order! This also brings to mind the old joke: Who wrote the Yellow River? Answer: I. P. Freely.

What will they think of next? Gosh, I wonder what they could do with poop!

While you're at it, don't forget to read the comments ..... some of the puns are fun-knee!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

My Blog Is Readable!

I found this cool site called the Juicy Studio and it has a "readability test" for blogs. You can put in your blog's URL and wa! la! it comes back with "stuff" like this:

Total sentences

Total words

Average words per Sentence

Words with 1 Syllable

Words with 2 Syllables

Words with 3 Syllables

Words with 4 or more Syllables

Percentage of word with three or more syllables

Average Syllables per Word

Now then, this is where it gets tricky. .....

"Gunning Fog, Flesch Reading Ease, and Flesch-Kincaid are reading level algorithms that can be helpful in determining how readable your content is. Reading level algorithms only provide a rough guide, as they tend to reward short sentences made up of short words. Whilst they're rough guides, they can give a useful indication as to whether you've pitched your content at the right level for your intended audience".

Gunning Fog Index

"The result is your Gunning-Fog index, which is a rough measure of how many years of schooling it would take someone to understand the content. The lower the number, the more understandable the content will be to your visitors. Results over seventeen are reported as seventeen, where seventeen is considered post-graduate level".

Flesch Reading Ease

"The result is an index number that rates the text on a 100-point scale. The higher the score, the easier it is to understand the document. Authors are encouraged to aim for a score of approximately 60 to 70".

Flesch-Kincaid Grade

"The result is the Flesch-Kincaid grade level. Like the Gunning-Fog index, it is a rough measure of how many years of schooling it would take someone to understand the content. Negative results are reported as zero, and numbers over twelve are reported as twelve".

Well there you have it! My blog is easy to read. Maybe it's too easy to read, but I like it or I wouldn't write it! I sure hope you like it too.

How About A Tax On The Stupid?

Good grief. I can't believe I'm going to link to this.... but.... here goes....

It's a blog article expounding the virtues of a "fat tax" and it says, in part: I would like to know what our readers think of the notion, a fat tax. Greatly increasing (7 to 10 percent) the tax on high fat and calorie, low nutrient foods. Personally I think it is marvelous, just as I think a high tax on cigarettes and alcohol is a great idea. Take the money and make fruits and vegetables more affordable, this would have to lower the amount of money spent on obesity related health problems. Do what? HOW would that lower the amount of money spent on anything? The more money "they" get from taxes the more stupid crap they find to boondoggle it on!

I think there should be a tax on idiots. And give me the money from that one since I haven't been able to figure out how to get on that FEMA gravyboat!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Michelle Malkin vs Hillary

I love reading Michelle Malkin because she's not afraid to let it all hang out. Check out her blog article "Hillary Wraps Herself In Armor" and see if you don't agree with me that's she's too cool!

Sometimes I wonder if Ms. Clintoon is related to Hanoi Jane....or if it's just that tainted liberal streak in both of them....

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Good People Need A Way To Protect Themselves

One Man's Observations: Gun Control Really is About People Control

I ran across this gentleman's post on his blog and thought it said what I believe too. I particularly like the quotes from our forefathers.

I'm proud to be a card carrying, lifetime member of the NRA and the Gun Owners of America. I'm a stanch supporter of law enforcement, but I know that the police can't protect us if they aren't around when a crime occurs.....we have to protect ourselves and our loved ones......and the most effective way to do that is with guns. People do kill people with guns, but people also kill with knives and drugs and rocks and their bare hands. It's been said a thousand ways by those more imaginative than me, that taking guns away from law abiding people is not going to stop criminals from being criminals. We, the older people in our society, have more need for the ability and comfort that firearms provide as we can't physically stop someone who's determined to harm us. I think the motto should be: Don't Mess With Texas Seniors!

Friday, January 06, 2006

I've Gone Bananas!

I've eaten many a banana in my day. I used to love Tarzan movies and I'd eat bananas as a way to be simpatico with him or maybe it was with Cheeta! I also ate "bread balls" and beans when I was in my Roy Rogers phase, but that's another story for another day.

Anyway, when you buy bananas at the store they look like this.

Then, within 20 minutes it seems, they look like this! You can't refrigerate them and I don't care where in my kitchen I put them, they end up looking black and ucky too soon.

But what really gets me is the peel. It could be the most perfect container in the world except for the blasted, nasty, bitter string things!

What's up with that? Why can't A&M or someone come up with stringless bananas? What good are the strings anyway? What purpose do they serve except to annoy and disgust? If I was the President, I'd spend all kinds of resources on ridding the world of banana strings! Cut The Strings and Free Toilet Paper For All would be my dadgum campaign slogan!

Alan Ashby Might Be A Cat...

....if he lands on his feet with this one! You remember my comments in Ash Began To Sass, don't you? Can you say cronie? I knew you could. I'll bet you dollars to donuts that his being a Mormon didn't hurt the campaign either. C'est la vie.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Way To Go Horns!!

The University of Texas Longhorns and quarterback Vince Young are awesome! What a game! What a win! Congrats to all concerned!

One Of My Cooler Christmas Gifts

Thanks, Matt! I just love my HCSO afghan!

How The Cops Get Away With Harassment

-A LEO pal-O-mine sent this to me. Please be sure and read it all if you are going to read any of it.

Recently, the Toronto Police Services board ran an e-mail forum (a question and answer exchange, the topic, "Community Policing." A civilian email participant posed the following question:

"I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to continually harass people and get away with it?"

Sgt. Berezowski, a cop with a sense of humor, replies:

First of all, let me tell you this, it's not easy. In Toronto we average one cop for every 600 people. Only about 60% of those cops are on general duty (or what you might refer to as "patrol") where we do most of our harassing. The rest are in non-harassing departments that do not allow them contact with the day-to-day innocents. At any given moment, only one-fifth of the 60% patrollers are on duty and available for harassing people while the rest are off duty. So roughly, one cop is responsible for harassing about 5,000 residents. When you toss in the commercial, business, and tourist locations that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is responsible for harassing 10,000 or more people a day.

Now, your average ten-hour shift runs 36,000 seconds long. This gives a cop one second to harass a person, and then only three-fourths of a second to eat a donut AND then find a new person to harass. This is not an easy task.

To be honest, most cops are not up to this challenge day in and day out. It is just too tiring.

What we do is utilize some tools to help us narrow down those people which we can realistically harass. The tools available to us are as follows:

PHONE: People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on a person for special harassment. "My neighbor is beating his wife" is a code phrase we often use. This means we'll come out and give some special harassment. Another popular one is, "There's a guy breaking into a house" or" So and so has a grow op". The harassment team is then put into action.

CARS: We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars with no insurance or no drivers license and the like. It's lots of fun when you pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light. Sometimes you get to really beef up the harassment when you find they have drugs in the car, are drunk, or have a warrant.

RUNNERS: Some people take off running just at the sight of a police officer. Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a beagle on the scent of a bunny. When you catch them you can harass them for hours.

STATUTES: When we don't have PHONE or CARS and have nothing better to do, there are actually books that give us ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called "Statutes"; Criminal Codes, Motor Vehicle, Liquor Act, etc... They all spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess with people.

After you read the statute, you can just drive around for awhile until you find someone violating one of these listed offences and harass them. Just last week I saw a guy smash a car window. Well, there's this book we have that says that's not allowed. That meant I got permission to harass this guy.

It is a pretty cool system that we have set up, and it works pretty well. I seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get away with it. Why? Because for the good citizens who pay the tab, we keep the streets safe for them. Next time you are in my town, give me a single finger wave, that's another code word.

-Good bless the cops that "harass" us and protect them from all harm.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

IPOD Porn?

My best friend left today for Vegas. He goes almost every year to The Porn Show. Well, ok, they don't actually call it "The Porn Show"..... if you want to get technical, it's some kind of Adult Entertainment convention ..... but dress it up all you want, it's still porn. I think the cool part is that this is also the time for the big CES event that has by-invitation-only attendees and it occurs to me to wonder how many of them take in both shows? Imagine, one could see IPods and store bought boobs all in the same afternoon. Some of the stuffier tech experts seem the type, to me, to sleep with smut under their mattresses ..... sort of like closet pornhounds .... but that could just be my evil imagination running rampant. I've got nothing against either the industry or any of the fans ..... my own sweet husband just loved his "girlie" magazines. He didn't object to my reading the WordPerfect mags either!

  • Jan 5-Jan 8 - 2006 International CES - Las Vegas Convention Center,Sands Expo Center - 120000
  • Jan 5-Jan 8 - Adult Entertainment Expo - Sands Expo Center - 33000

Sunday, January 01, 2006

I Just Love Snopes.Com!

Take today for instance....they've got an article on New Year's Day Superstitions that's just grand! I had no idea there were so many quirks attached to the first day of the new year. I've done the black-eyed peas thing for years, but certainly didn't know about the tall, dark, handsome man first-footer scenario! I just might have to start standing guard to keep any ugly, short guys at bay!

Black-Eyed Peas: A tradition common to the southern states of the USA dictates that the eating of black-eyed peas on New Year's Day will attract both general good luck and money in particular to the one doing the dining. Some choose to add other Southern fare to this tradition, but the black-eyed peas are key.