Saturday, August 16, 2008

The High Cost Of Funerals

....also known as Gouge 'Em One Last Time!

There is a wonderful website chocked full of helpful suggestions about what to do with The Body after death. You have lots of options and there are lots of ways to spend money like drunken sailors on shore leave when it comes to planning the planting!

The man to call to get the skinny on all this is Ken Lambert. Mr. Lambert is not a funeral director. He is simply a very knowledgeable consumer, researcher, coach, and negotiator.

This is what Ken Lambert has to say about his website:

This is an Independent Self-Help & Consumer Coaching Program with more than you ever wanted to know about funerals. It will:

1. Educate You on All Your Funeral Options.

2. Help You Select the Right Funeral Provider for Your Family.

3. Help You Negotiate the Best Prices.

Oh and an aside to MY family: I feel fine! Not to worry! Not planning on going for a long, long time...but if I do go, give this guy a call before you make any "final" decisions. Personally I don't know why Wal-Mart isn't in the biz of body disposal, but maybe by the time I go.... who knows!

Saturday, August 09, 2008

70 Year Old Male Looking For Love Or Something

I was bored and so I went to Craigslist to see what there was to read...

After checking out the Photography and Electronics and Collectibles, I selected a category called: Strictly Platonic M4F. This is what I found:

The Lady I am Looking For;

She would be loving

She would want to hold me every night

She might go to work but be excited to come home

She would be understanding

She would eat right, exercise and take care of her body like I do so we could enjoy a long healthy life together

She would be adventurous

She would truly want me...just me

She would have a healthy view of money and not let it rule her

She would make me her #1

She would see the dream of growing older together and “smile”

She would let me know how crazy She is about me

She would “get me” or work very hard on "getting" me

She would accept and appreciate my quirkiness

She would miss me when I am gone

She would take care of me

She would treat others as she would want to be treated

She would encourage me in all things

She would never feel as if she settled for second best

She would try to some times live out side of the box with me

She would love to rub my feet, run her fingers through my hair, rub my back, etc.

She would be excited to see my face first thing in the morning

She would allow me to have friends of my own

She would encourage me to do things I enjoy doing

She would always be there for my family and allow me to be there for her’s

She would never want to go away...for long

She would help me build a “new” past together

She would treat me as a person of substance

She would respect my opinion

She would try new things that I like to do...without regret

She would speak her mind

She would never hold back

She would touch my hand, and give me a everyone in the room would know we are together

She would argue with respect and know how to voice an opinion with out shaming or degrading to anyone

She would have a love for quiet times with me

She would need me

She would want a new “Best Friend” in me

She would want me to know her family, friends, and children

She would help me in this new phase of life, new friends, old family, new family, and become my new love

She would want to know my family and friends and help me blend both of ours together

She would help me create new memories

She would be excited about getting to know me...just me

Most of all...She would love me no matter what!!!


My first thought is that this guy isn't looking for a realistic woman, he wants a dog!

My 2nd thought was: platonic? What part of that didn't he get?
I guess to be fair I should note that his last line was...

If you feel the same as I do about what I have written above...Change the She to he, and know in your heart and mind this is the type of person I am. I’ve been looking for you...

Too late, the damage was done well before the last line. He probably married and lookin' to cheat..... that "live outside the box" thing was a dead giveaway.

I think I'll just keeping my options open for another 12 years or so....