Saturday, August 26, 2006

blogHOUSTON - Residue magically becomes a half stick of dynamite

blogHOUSTON - Residue magically becomes a half stick of dynamite

Excellent article! Used to be the creedo was "don't believe everything you read and only half of what you see" it's "don't believe ANYTHING you read and even LESS of what you see!

Science gives Pluto the cold shoulder

Science gives Pluto the cold shoulder: "More than 75 years after its discovery by Clyde Tombaugh, Pluto has been booted from the fraternity of planets in defiance of grade-school textbooks."

Poor Pluto. There are reports that Goofy, Mickey's best friend, an anthropomorphic dog, is laughing his ass off over the whole deal! Mickey and Minnie are besides themselves with worry about how this devastating news will destroy their once happy family! Scientist seem unconcerned as evidenced by this quote when asked if Pluto must be disqualified as a planet in our solar system:

"It would be disastrous for astronomy if we come away from the general assembly with nothing," said Michael Rowan-Robinson, president of the United Kingdom's Royal Astronomical Society, shortly before nearly 400 astronomers voted to reclassify Pluto Thursday. "We would be regarded as idiots."

I rest my case.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Texas Law Enforcement Wants You

Austin police department and other Texas law enforcement agencies desperately looking for recruits

By Joshunda Sanders
Monday, August 14, 2006

At 8 a.m. on a recent Friday morning, Ronald Brown and nine other Austin Police Department recruits took the physical agility test a second time.

Brown, 43, who moved to Round Rock from New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, stretched nervously and eyed the competition — all of them younger than him — at Ojeda Junior High in Del Valle.

The months he took off after Katrina had given Brown some extra pounds to carry around the track, he said, but he'd worked for more than 10 years at the New Orleans Police Department and was ready to go back to law enforcement.

"It's good work," Brown said. "Pays good, too."

That may be true: A report released by a national police compensation consulting firm ranked Austin at the top of its list of 200 departments when cost of living was factored in.

But like other Texas agencies, the Austin department is struggling to fill its ranks as more officers retire or take lucrative offers elsewhere.

As they compete for recruits, agencies are raising pay and dangling fat signing bonuses.

The Texas Department of Public Safety raised troopers' salaries more than $100 per month and plans another raise in 2007. Houston now offers applicants from other Texas law enforcement agencies a $7,000 signing bonus. The Dallas Police Department has waived its requirement of a college degree for military members honorably discharged after serving four years and is offering a $10,000 signing bonus for new trainees.

"Poaching is too strong a word," said Dallas Deputy Chief Floyd Simpson, who is in charge of personnel and development. "But there is competition."

Last year, Simpson said, he tried to hire 250 officers but could find only 170 for the 3,166-officer department.

This is in all the ladies' restrooms at Minute Maid Park. I can only assume the mens' rooms are also designated recruitment stations!

It's not all about money, you know. I believe that good cops are "called" like good teachers and nurses and any of the other professions that need that little something extra to make it all worthwhile. It's a vocation as much as an occupation IMHO.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Vote For Your Favorite Icon & Slogan

Advertising Week Voting: Home

After I wrote the "Texas Does NOT Have It All" post I got to thinking there are probably those that don't know that title comes from the slogan "Texas Has It All" which is not as popular as "Don't Mess With Texas", but it's something that's been advertised for years. So while Googling my buns off for Texas slogans I came up with the link above and it's kind of fun. I voted for "Don't Mess With Texas" and the Energizer Bunny. I was torn between the Bunny and Smokie Bear, but that Waskly Wabbit won!

Texas Does NOT Have It All!

I'm bummed. I thought I was living in the greatest state in the world, much less the US of A and come to find out while I was off gazing at a star (apologies to Gigi), the goddamn Bible thumpers have made massive inroads into mail order commerce. You can NOT order an adult DVD and have it shipped in Houston, Dallas, Blah, Blah, or Blah. You also can't have "toys" shipped, but there's ways around just keep searching into you find a online retailer that hasn't gotten the memo. I just spent HOURS trying to find an online DVD retailer that would send me a little ditty called "Pirates". No luckie. I could always borrow a copy or rent a copy, but I wanted to OWN a copy if for no other reason than it's a unique piece of film....a front runner....the "Deep Throat" of the 2000's. Something for my kids to fight over after I'm dead and gone! And equally as appealing is something to shock the shit out of anyone that thinks 60 plus old broads can't view porn with the best of the big boys and enjoy it! I had cold, hard cash (sort of) in my hairy, hot hand (not even!) and they don't want my moola! Go figure.

Lemme shipment of "porn" or "toys" and no casino gambling. Phooey. Then the question arises, are "they" trying to save me from the debbel or have the adult video stores locked down the biz for their own bad selves? Do they want me to crank up Old Bessie and motor down in the August Texas heat to rub elbows with a bunch of hairy, sweaty Homo sapiens neanderthalensis in the back room of some Porn Palace, but I can't discretly click a few links and order my prepacked fantasy and view same in the privacy and comfort of my own home? Well that's just not right. And I'm totally and irreconcilably bummed.

P.S. I could get my Bud up in PA to accept delivery and then reship to moi, but not only is that a GREAT deal of trouble for HIM, but I'm not sure my DVD player will work with sticky goods! Sigh.


Yea! Someone took pity on me and showed me the way! The way to order the movies I wanted that is. It's an online retailer called Adult DVD Free. I would not have found them on my own in a gazillion years! The second movie I ordered is called The Visitors and it sounds good too! Thanks, BudD!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Alas, I've Been Impaneled!

I was sworn in Tuesday as one of 12 Grand Jurist for the 262nd Criminal District Court. We'll hear cases twice a week, for 3 months, in beautiful downtown Houston. Our sole purpose is to decide if there is probable cause to indict an individual accused of a felony or not.

It's an awesome responsibility and one that can serve to keep you up nights due to the mental imagery of the evidence presented during the day. The worst testimony always involves children and the horror that some adults will inflict on them. I lead a relatively insulated, naive existence and it's always shocking to realize that there are men who would desire an infant as a sexual object or could strip the innocence from a 3 year old Grandchild or niece. It's as if these animals "grow" their own females for their pleasures. One of the cases that will never leave my thoughts was one where the grandfather was accused of molesting his granddaughter. The charges were being brought by the girl's mother who was herself one of his victims!

This is my 3rd time to serve on Judge Mike Anderson's Grand Jury and it's always an honor to "make the cut" and be one of the 12. It's hard work, but the time just flies by and since one has to wait a year and a month before being allowed to serve again, it is usually every two years that I've been impaneled. Between my jury service and my stint at cardiac rehab, I might be rather hit or miss in the posting department, but don't worry about me, when I'm not knee deep in it I'll be slumped in front of my TV routing on the Astros! (Berkman is a babe!). Last night's 14 to 1 rout of the Pittsburg Pirates was deliciously enjoyable to watch! Go 'Stros!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006 | Pill offers hope for the 'stupid' | Pill offers hope for the 'stupid'

OhMy...this is just too easy! So many punch lines are running through my head it's not even funny!

Things like...... will it come in suppository form for those that don't know they're stupid? AKA what if you think you're smart, but the rest of the world KNOWS you're stupid? What if you're too stupid to remember to take the pill?

I know I want to sign up to be the first one to test it on humans. I'm always up for stuff being tested on fruit flies and mice! (I wonder just how smart the average fruit fly is anyway?)

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Gun-Toting Granny Still Firing at Age 82 - EarthLink - Strange News

Gun-Toting Granny Still Firing at Age 82 - EarthLink - Strange News

Gun-Toting Granny Still Firing at Age 82
From Associated Press
August 04, 2006 8:22 PM EDT

JANESVILLE, Wis. - Not even triple-bypass surgery has kept Rita Roherty from the shotgun shooting that has been her life's passion. The 82-year-old great-grandmother underwent surgery last year, and then recovered to win a bronze medal in the women's shooting division of the Badger State Games in June.

She hit 91 of 100 clay pigeons to take third place in the competition, three years after winning the gold.

"When a gun fits you, it don't kick," she said of her pet Browning Lightning 12-gauge over-under shotgun.

Roherty, born Rita McAuliffe in 1923, had 14 children in 28 years of marriage before her husband, Donald Glynn, died.

Then she met George Roherty, who took her trap shooting on the couple's first date in 1973.

"It was a very good couples thing to do," she said.

She says she shoots because she likes competing. When she won her gold medal in shooting, she hit enough clay pigeons to tie a woman half her age, then won in a shoot-off by hitting all 10 pigeons, she recalled.

She said she intends to keep shooting as long as she can still hold the gun, and she'll take on men as well as women.

But be forewarned - Roherty admits she sometimes can't resist asking competitors, "You let an old lady beat you?"


Information from: The Janesville Gazette,

I want to be HER when I grow up!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

My Hind Titty

I'm currently going to cardic rehab aka exercise therapy 3 days a week. The two gals in charge aka the Exercise Nazis seem to get a kick out of my constant whimpering and complaining that they're trying to kill me. (Despite their best efforts to that end I'm actually not dying and feeling better and stronger every week!).

I was on the bike deal and Nazi Cori accidentally bumped into me while taking the B.P. of the gal next to me. Cori said something about her big rear and without even thinking about it I said "Big rear? My hind titty!".....well she fell over laughing and then went on to say she'd never heard such a thing. She checked with all her pals and got back to me with the verdict that *I'd* made that phrase up and there was no such thing. I said it was a Texas saying and it meant something to the effect of "oh, yeah?", "as if", "not likely", etc. Again she said I made it up as no one ever says that.

So being me, I Googled "my hind titty" and came up with SUCKING HIND TITTY instead. Hmmm... well it's STILL a hind titty and that's the important part. But I'm thinking, what the heck, maybe I did invent the phrase. It wouldn't be the first time and Lord willing it won't be the last time.

I found this cool list of other great phrases and since all the best phrases have Southern roots, I thought I'd pass it along. Enjoy! My favorites include:
1. He's so cheap he could squeeze the buffalo off a nickle and ride it out of town
2. She's got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth. (That woman can talk.)
3. Time to paint your butt and run with the antelope. (Stop arguing and do as you're told.)
4. 'Went to get her face lifted but broke the crane' (Comment on my moms golddigger friend). [That reminds me of the old joke about Gloria Vanderbilt's penchant for facelifts: to wit if she had one more she'd have a goatee!]
5. You can't polish a turd. (Self-explanatory.)
6. "All wind and no stink" a fart that is loud, but not offensive, or a person who talks a lot but doesn't do anything.
7. If yer waitin' fer me yer walkin' backwards.
8. Slicker than cat shit on linoleum [I say 'slicker than owl shit'!]
9. "Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit"-used to express shock or surprise
10. "Her ass looks like two pigs wrestling in a gunny sack" (for a fat woman wearing tight clothes)

I love stuff like that, but I think it's time to stop...for now!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Goodbye My Friend

I'm bummed. A friend of mine has passed away. She was quite a character. She leaves behind a very nice husband and two young adults children and a host of friends. I didn't always agree with her, but I always ended up making her laugh. She was quite the community activist in our little world and she'll be sorely missed because she had a mind like a steel trap and she wasn't shy about telling the cow how to eat the cabbage. She was generous and we used to fight about who'd pick up the tabs. She ended up winning more times than I liked, but she was not one to expect something in return for any favor. Everytime I spoke to her she'd ask about my dog, my youngest daughter and my "adopted" sons. She was ill the last year or so and had to drastically curtail her activites, but anytime we'd talk she'd say when she got to feeling better we'd go to lunch. The good Lord has seen to it that now she feels better. Rest in peace, Dora, until we meet again.

Houston-area School Called 'Persistently Dangerous' | News for Houston, Texas | Local News / Houston:

10:04 AM CDT on Friday, August 4, 2006

By JENNIFER RADCLIFFE / The Houston Chronicle

The suburban, middle-class Cypress-Ridge High School is the first Houston-area campus to be deemed “persistently dangerous,” an emotionally-charged label that it earned, in part, for reporting a high number of drug violations.

The suburban, middle-class Cypress-Ridge High School is the first Houston-area campus to be deemed “persistently dangerous,”

Much to the chagrin of Cypress-Fairbanks district leaders, the high school is one of just five Texas schools to make this year’s list. Fewer than 40 U.S. schools were deemed dangerous last year.

“The label ‘persistently dangerous’ is a totally inaccurate reflection of the learning environment at Cypress Ridge,” district spokeswoman Kelli Durham said.

Under the federal No Child Left Behind law, each state has developed a method for designating persistently dangerous schools. Schools tagged with the moniker must notify parents and allow students to transfer to another school within the district. So far, about 90 students have given notice they plan to leave Cypress-Ridge before classes resume Aug. 16.

In Texas, schools are considered persistently dangerous if they report three or more mandatory expulsion incidents per 1,000 students in each of the previous three years. The rules give equal weight to alcohol violations, assaults, arson and murder.

Cypress-Fairbanks leaders said their school is being unfairly targeted for aggressively tracking every on-campus violation and for encouraging students to report crime. Other schools with far more notable instances didn’t appear on the latest list, which tracks crimes from 2002 to 2005.

Nearly 80 percent of the 41 instances that Cypress-Ridge reported in the last three years were drug violations, Durham said. In 70 percent of the cases, a student reported the infraction either through CrimeStoppers or to an adult on campus, she said.

Among the remaining nine incidents was one case of arson and possession of illegal weapons, including knives and brass knuckles.

In a majority of the drug cases, students were caught with a few Xanex or Adderall pills, Durham said. Those medications are used to treat anxiety and attention deficit disorder, respectively, but some students abuse them without a prescription. Students who have a medical reason for taking those medications are supposed to leave them with the school nurse and those who don’t face disciplinary action, Durham said.

“The district questions whether No Child Left Behind had that in mind,” she said. “Someone who has one or two pills in their pocket is not like aggravated assault or carrying a weapon.”

To help address its drug problems, the 87,000-student district will start random testing of teenagers who compete in sports and academic events when school resumes this month. They’re also increasing surveillance at Cypress-Ridge and continuing other anti-drug initiatives, Durham said.

School administrators are infamous for grossly underreporting campus violence, he said. This national watch list, which Trump calls the “Scarlet Letter” of education, had many systematic flaws. Most states, for instance, set the required crime level so high that schools face virtually no threat of ever reaching the limit, he said.

“The reality is, in most cases, a situation like Columbine wouldn’t qualify a school to be on the list,” he said.
Parents certainly shouldn’t take this list - which also includes schools in La Joya, Laredo and Donna to be indicative of the most troubled campuses in the state, experts said.

Schools are expected to be honest on these reports, though there is little oversight. Still, administrators who don’t report all their infractions could face criminal action if the Texas Education Agency discovers the misreporting, spokeswoman DeEtta Culbertson said.

“It’s like any government document, the superintendent’s signing off on it and saying it’s accurate and true,” she said. “We depend on the schools to be accurate.”

---------->> my turn...

Wow! My kids all went to and graduated from Cypress Creek HS also in the Cy-Fair ISD and it was mentioned one time on a national list as one of the XX most "snobbist" schools and I'll vouch for that. It's a prime example of the kids driving better/newer cars than the teachers too. And if Jr. wraps his ride around a telephone pole on Friday night (and it doesn't kill his dumb ass), daddy just rushs out Saturday to get him something new so he can drive to school Monday with nary a care.

The article was right on about Cy-Fair keeping a lid on "things"....they HATE for word to get out that drugs are in the schools and all's not right with their world. And yet when my kiddies transferred into this district we learned right away that kids are guilty until proven innocent and once you're "labeled" you'll never be reclassified in their little narrow minds.

I wonder if they can blame the Cy-Ridge problems on the evacuee kids? The school itself is not very old and I'm frankly shocked at this whole enchilada.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Who Would You Like In The Cell With You?

I'm hoping I'll never do anything that causes me to be incarcerated.

I'm SURE I'm just not suited for the slammer. For one thing my mugshot would look awful, for another I look horrible in orange and even worse in a jumpsuit!

I did get to thinking who I'd like in the cell with me IF they put males and females together...... I'd wouldn't mind spending some time with this one......... even if he is a loser.........

I'd probably end up with THIS one though....

Or even worse, THIS one! Yikes!

Johnny Depp's mugshot is my all-time favorite "movie star" bad-boy pose.

Who's Being Abused At Gitmo?

"The ones being abused are our troops...."

The stories coming out are beyond offensive.

...the Defense Department has documented hundreds of attacks by Guantanamo detainees on Military Police guards since 2002, ranging from head butting and spitting to routine dousing with cups filled with feces, urine, vomit and sperm.

The guards also have been repeatedly grabbed, punched or assaulted by prisoners who reach through small "bean holes" used to deliver food and blankets through cell doors, the reports say...
I LOVE the graphic that accompanied the article so much I stole it!