I Think Mary Did Know!

A link for the best song of the season. That's Kenny Rogers and Wynonna doing the honors.


My favorite version is by Kathy Mattea.


Happy holidays!

Thanks for stopping by! I'd give you some eggnog if I could!

Another Year, Another Tear

I've been doing real good (that's "East Texas" for 'very well') with this whole grief thing. I mean, come on, it's ELEVEN YEARS. You can't be blue all the time and most of the time I'm fine. But this time of the year it creeps up on me and bites me in the butt when I least expect it.

I've been purposely keeping busy so's not to give myself the opportunity to get sad, but tonight I was watching a made for Christmas Hallmark tear-jerker and damn if it didn't jerk me around until my tear damn busted wide open. I got to crying and didn't stop for too long a time.

It's important to let go from time to time. You can't deny either the love that was lost or the grief that never dies...it just lies beneath the surface like molten lava waiting for that tiny crack in the emotional layer so it can spew forth and cover all it sees.

I'll be fine. I'll pick myself and dust myself off and get back in the fast lane for another year. The whole act of writing it down here helps me cope. I've got quite a list now for my copeability. I'm not sure that's a real word, but it ought to be if it isn't because it describes the process to a T.

Remembering my sweetie. Missing him still. Wishing if he had to go why it couldn't of been in June or September...why did it have to be December 17?

A Single Dove
November 22, 2006
Remembering December 1996
Do You Believe In Angels?

It Was Love At First Byte

My friend Gowan sent me a link to a story about the Commodore 64 and it sparked my nostalgic memories. (It doesn't take much to spark those memories this time of the year!)

A couple of years ago I wrote about some of my Commodore daze with an article entitled What Is This BBS of Which You Speak.

I've still got a C-64 set-up boxed away for some reason known only to hoarders. I don't miss the speed of the dadgum thing, but I do miss my youthful love of the whole personal computer world.

Sorry to be so remiss in keeping up with this blog. I only really write when the spirit moves me and the spirit has been chasing its own tail a lot these days.

With me, no news is generally no news.

I also got myself a 42" Plasma TV and I'm actually watching it! HD makes even crap shows look better! haha...

I'm waiting for a couple more of my Christmas presents. I always give myself good stuff for Christmas! It's one of the perks of being spoiled rotten. Yea me. However this is turning into the Year Of The Backorder. Every day I wait for that elusive e-mail saying shipment has commenced and my item is on its way....more on WHAT the item(s) are when I actually get some hands-on time.

Take care...stay safe...

After Viewing Sex Crimes and the Vatican...

I'm frankly stunned.

I was born and raised Catholic and feel that it rejected me in 1963 when a priest told me in confession to find a nice Catholic boy to love. That was the response to my plea that I loved the non-Catholic man who was later to become my husband of 33 years.

This was the same church that said I couldn't practice birth control. ME who got preggers when my husband even looked at me! That was the final cut of my Vatican cord.

It's not easy being a "fallen away Catholic" either especially when most of what's left of my family is still in the fold. My mom pretty much went to her grave praying for me to renounce my vow and tell the father of my children to take a hike.

I've never seen any part of ANY organized religion that appealed to me. I'm too brainwashed to be a Protestant and too redneck to be a Jew! I went to parochial school for the first six grades and I can't recall which grade it was now, but one day I was standing before the class at the blackboard trying to add a column of double digits. I couldn't do it. I couldn't of done it to save my life much less my immortal soul. The nun kept asking me "if I couldn't see it" [the answer I guess] and I kept saying "no, sister". She got so mad at me that she ended up slapping me in the face in front of the entire class.

I think I must of disassociated at the moment because I don't recall what happened next. I don't know if I cried or just continued to stand there in total humiliation. I don't remember what the nun did. I don't remember how I got out of it. I DO remember telling my mother and the usual feelings that it was all MY fault. I also remember hearing or rather overhearing that the nun had a nervous breakdown. I probably felt like I caused THAT too.

Poor, poor pitiful me. Alas this post is not about that. It's about ALL my other conflicted feelings about "The Church". We were taught from the first day to never, ever criticize the Church. Or the priest or the nuns or God forbid the Pope himself so I always feel a tad uncomfortable when I think or read about the sexual abuse that runs rampart and how nothing is done until forced to by the authorities and then they may or may not throw a sacrificial lamb in the guise of a defrocked priest on the fires.

I ran across this TV program that I think ought to be required viewing by Catholics, former Catholics and especially future Catholics. It was called Spotlight: Sex Crimes and the Vatican and on Link TV. I think it can be viewed online at BBC One.

The program points out that nothing is being done for the victims. The abuse is still going on and the Pope could put a stop to that if he wanted to. It's also about how a secret document "called Crimen Sollicitationis, was enforced for 20 years by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger before he became the current Pope". That's heavy stuff, folks. My family would most likely think that even reading the document is a one way ticket to hell.

In my own mind I like to think that even widespread abuse by the clergy doesn't mean ALL of them are bad, but if the head of the organization is bad what does that make the rest? I dunno what to make of any of this.

My Weight Loss Goal Is Written In Ink!

Today it’s official. I’ve reached my goal weight! In fact I’m one pound under goal. Dr. Wongsa didn’t think I’d make it. He wasn’t pleased with the quickness of my weight loss. I knew I could do it and part of me now wishes I could look him in the eye and say “so there!”.

More likely I’d look him in the eye and grasp his hand and say ‘thank you, thank you, for giving me back my life!”. Thank you God for helping me every step along the way. Thank you to my family for their love and support. Thank you to my good friends for their love and support and their encouragement and positive comments. Thank you me for being stubborn and determined and for finally taking control. I wish I could see John seeing me now. He always saw me as better than I was and I know he’d be so proud of me now and I’d be better able to accept it.



It hasn’t been easy and anyone that thinks that gastric bypass surgery is the easy way out is an ignorant fool. The whole ordeal from the time I observed my daughter’s fantastic weight loss progress, through the rigors of getting approval, to being wheeled into the operating room wondering if this was a good idea, to today when it’s official has been life altering. I’m not the same person now that I was in June of 2005 when I first saw Dr. Wongsa and begged for his help.

My whole life I heard about the thin person inside of fat people and now when I look in the mirror I see MY thin person and it’s surreal. When I’m walking by shop windows and I catch a glimpse of “her” I have to double take to grasp what I’m seeing. “She” looks a lot older than I remember her being. She has tons of loose skin, but I don’t see that as much as the marvel of where did it all go? It’s as if it melted off of me and now my body is like a candle and the loose skin is the wax that runs down when the candle is consumed. Wow, how’s that for imagery.

I guess I should get into the figures now. It’s taken me 1 year, 4 months and 27 days to lose 107 pounds. I know I was at least 7-10 pounds more than that at one time. In April of 1992 I was 27 pounds less than when I started this time and managed to gain it all back and then some which is why I decided going under the knife was the last resort I had. When I started my BMI was 41.7 (OBESE) and today it’s 24.0 and considered NORMAL. My diabetes is in remission and my A1C test is NORMAL. My sleep apnea is greatly improved. I'm not using the CPAP even though it probably wouldn't hurt to keep using it because I know I have episodes during the night, but not nearly as bad as they once were.

I’ve lost 4 inches in my bust (sob!), 7.5 in my waist, 8.5 in my hips, 5 in my thighs, 2 in my calves and 3 ¼ in my arms!

I’ve got photos, but I’m not comfortable displaying them. Most of them are for my eyes only or maybe mine and my daughters if they want to see them.

I feel good. I went to the Gulf Coast Blood Center today and gave ‘em a pint so I’m kinda tired tonight, but all in all it’s been a wonderful day and a good year. I’m pleased with my success and I’m dedicated to making sure I stay on this side of the diet teeter-totter.