Wednesday, March 04, 2009

From E-mail - The Americans With No Abilities Act

I got this in email a few minutes ago. It is funny or rather it would be funny if it wasn't so chillingly accurate. Read it and weep...


Washington , DC - (Dateline February 26 , 2009)

President Barack Obama and the Democrat controlled Congress are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer - Democrat. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi – Democrat, and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid –Democrat - pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under AWNAA, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of
Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless
worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for
example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"

"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,"said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey."This
new law should be real good for people like me," Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented
citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (Democrat-IL), "As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials
enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen,
regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."

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God help America.

2 comments:

April Sky said...

Interesting thoughts.

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stricklandhappenings.blogspot.com

Attila The Mom said...

snarf. LOL

Oh my gosh. My verification word is "scari". hehehe